The Art of Civilized Conversation by Margaret Shepherd

Author:Margaret Shepherd
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Crown/Archetype
Published: 2007-12-17T16:00:00+00:00

It’s easy to make good conversation when you’re surrounded by friends, enjoying a gathering, and buoyed up by a fascinating topic. One of the acid tests of civilized conversation, however, is how you respond to criticism and negativity.

Many people can’t gracefully handle even a constructive comment, such as “Your soup would taste better with a little more salt.” Handling constructive criticism may bring out your irrationality; sometimes you may feel that you would agree with what the person is saying if you didn’t have to admit that he had the right to say it. It’s almost easier to handle a disagreement than to keep your cool when you’ve been criticized, fairly, for something you can change.

Criticism is easier to accept if you break it into two parts: acknowledge that you heard it, and take the appropriate action. It doesn’t cost you anything to say that you appreciate his concern, whether you agree with his suggestion or not, and whether you think it’s any of his business or not. You can then fix it if you agree, or not if you don’t. To hear is not always to obey, but just saying “I hear you” sounds good enough for a lot of people.

Use one of these phrases in your acquiescence:

Thanks, I hadn’t noticed that yet.

That’s good advice.

Thanks, you saved me a lot of [trouble, embarrassment, money, anxiety].

I’m glad you pointed it out.

I agree.

Got it.

I have it that way on purpose, but I value your input.

Don’t say:

No, it isn’t.

Don’t tell me how to run my life.

You’re always criticizing me.

If a person is always criticizing you, just develop a water-off-a-duck’s-back response that lets her feel she’s been heard, without your always having to take action. When asked how she copes with criticism, the celebrity Paris Hilton said, “I tell people what they want to hear and then I do what I want to do.”

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